Lost Love
by Hail-Knight
Summary: Gaara has finally found someone to love and cherish, but when an old flame comes to visit his future bride to be, everything seems to fall apart. OCxGaara WARNING: SUICIDE!


Nami squealed with her friend, Temari. Temari's smile spread across her face.

"I can't believe he proposed to you!" she squealed. It was expected. Gaara - now the Kazekage - wasn't always the person he was now. Before the Chuunin Exams - when he had fought with Naruto - he was a ruthless killer. In fact, when Nami first met Gaara, he wasn't close to be social. She didn't mind that. She really never thought of him that way. Suna was a different place for her. A village where she could escape all of her troubles - break-up troubles. Gaara wasn't the first person she ... loved. He actually helped her through the difficult break-up. The way they met and how he comforted her - it replayed in her head. Her break-up often replayed in her head as well. These were things she never thought about. Not until now - until after Gaara had proposed to her. Now that she thought about it, without Gaara, she never would have gotten out of the hole she had been driven into. And though she loves Gaara, part of her heart still loves Sasuke. Yes, that's right, Sasuke. As she stared at Temari, her break-up replayed in her mind - slowly, but somehow quickly.

_"Sasuke! What are you _doing_?" Nami screamed at the departing Sasuke. Her feelings for Sasuke were strong, but she hated him at the moment._

_"Shut up, Nami," he growled. His expression was hateful and it cut Nami deeply. "Just stay out of this and go home!"_

_"Stay out of this? How can I? You're abandoning the village and me!" she cried out, trying not to lose her control. "What about your team - Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi? What about the village? What about me?"_

_"None of that matters anymore. You don't matter anymore." His voice cut through her, cutting her voice box. She couldn't think of anything to say to that. But he stared at her, waiting._

_"I don't ... matter?" she finally managed to say. His face held a cold expression._

_"No." It was final. He didn't care._

_"But you said-"_

_"None of that matters anymore! Not my team! Not the village! Not even you!" He glared at her for a moment before actually moving. She stood frozen in her spot as he walked towards her. When he was only a few inches away, he knocked her out and left the village. He brought her back to her house, though. He didn't leave her out in the cold, which seemed to hurt her more._

"I know!" Nami squealed a little too late. Temari looked at her strangely.

"Are you okay?" she asked. She studied Nami's reaction carefully. "You're not having doubts, are you?"

"No!" Nami panicked. "Of course not!"

"Are you _sure_?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Nami shook her head. "He makes me happy and ... I need him."

"He needs you too," Temari muttered. She smiled slightly. "You're the only one he's ever opened up to."

"I remember when we first met," Nami sighed. The memory was fresh in her mind - the first time they met and how they came to where they are now. She sighed again, sitting down in a chair.

_Her mouth looked like it was forever etched into a frown. Her dark brown eyes were void of any emotion. Suna was the perfect place to escape her troubles. Her long black hair blew slightly in the small breeze. Though there was a slight breeze, the village was hot. But the scorching heat wasn't what upset her. Everyone could see that. Even the newly appointed Kazekage - Gaara. Her voice was empty of any feeling as she spoke. She didn't even show shock when she saw him behind the desk - like others had._

_Living in Suna was easier than Konoha, where all her memories lurked around every corner. Suna was new, though she found her way around easily. Night time was the easiest time for her. Cool, dark, and quiet. She often used that time to think about the things she didn't want to think about._

_She saw him sitting on his roof alone. He was staring at the moon, probably thinking. Just as she was about to look away, he looked up and caught her eye. He didn't look away, so she ignored him and sat down on her roof. The sound of footsteps didn't alarm her; she didn't even look up._

_"As the Kazekage, shouldn't you stay where you're protected?" she asked. She looked to her right to see him sitting next to her._

_"I'm sure I can handle myself right now." He didn't look at her as he spoke._

_"You know that people are still capable of attacking at this hour?"_

_"You're right. And I'm taking a risk just sitting here next to you."_

_"Of course, even more of a risk without protection - not that I would do anything. I have no motive - unless I wanted to die."_

_"Do you want to die?"_

_"That depends."_

_"On what?"_

_"On what I am feeling and thinking of at the time. Not that it really matters. If I wanted to die, I would be dead."_

_"So you don't want to die right _now_?"_

_"It doesn't really matter."_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm on my last few chapters of my life."_

_"What?" He looked at her with a confused expression._

_"Think of your life as a book. You are probably in the middle of your book. I don't know how many chapters are in _your _book, but I know how many are in mine. Very few are left and predictable."_

_"I disagree."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I find you very difficult to read."_

_"Really?"_

_"You're always so quiet and your face so composed. It's difficult to know how you react to things."_

_"But that's why I should be easy to read. If I'm so always quiet and if my face is always composed, then it should be obvious how I'll react to things - good or bad."_

_"That's easy for you to say. But I am wondering about something."_

_"What?"_

_"Why are you so ... composed?"_

_"Why are you so ... innocent?"_

_"Who said I was innocent?"_

_"You're the Kazekage. Don't you have to be innocent?"_

_"I suppose. But my record isn't clean."_

_"Mm."_

_"Why are you so composed?"_

_"That's just how my life ended up. Like yours. You ended up as Suna's Kazekage."_

_"Yes. Even after everything I have done."_

_"Mm, yes." It was silent after that. She didn't look at him and he didn't look at her. The silence didn't bug either of them. It was pleasant - in a way. She was quite aware that he was still sitting there, glancing at her every now and then._

_"What happened?" he asked, breaking the silence._

_"Hmm?" she asked in confusion._

_"What happened to you?"_

_"I don't know what you mean."_

_"What happened to you that made you so ... composed - I guess that's how to put it."_

_"You know, everything is so breakable. Everything - bonds mostly. There more fragile than glass," she mused, mostly to herself. "It's easier to lose someone if I'm not so close to them. But still, the loss cuts me deeper than the one before. I'm starting to wonder how anyone could deal with it."_

_"If you had someone to share that pain with, they could comfort you. Bonds are breakable, but you have to work to keep it from breaking. It takes effort from both of the people. If you aren't working to keep the bond, it's still a bond. An empty one, but still a bond." He looked at her, not trying to hide it. "The world has always had pain and hurt. It always will. It's just something we have to deal with. That's why bonds exist. They help us get through the pain."_

_"I have nobody."_

_"Give someone a chance and you could."_

_"Why?"_

_"You could be happier."_

_"Right."_

_"You could ... give _me _a chance." His gaze went back to the moon. She looked at his face for the first time. His expression was soft and his mouth was set in neither a frown nor smile. He met her gaze and slowly lifted his hand to brush his fingertips against his cheek._

_"Why do you frown all the time?" he whispered. His hand went back to his lap._

_"It's just natural for me."_

_"Oh?"_

_"I don't know. It's just the way I ended up."_

_"Would you ... give me a chance?" He kept his gaze on her. She looked at his lovely face. Somehow his eyes were able to knock the breath out of her. She lifted her hand to brush her fingertips against his cheek. It was softer than she thought._

_"Yes, but I don't know how it'll turn out."_

_"Me either. But if we knew how everything turned out, it would be a boring life, wouldn't it?"_

_"I couldn't handle it if it turned out bad."_

_"Me either. But I'll try."_

_"Then I will too."_

_The rest of the night was silent. They just sat there enjoying the silence. It had been two years since Nami had ever tried to hold a bond. With Gaara, it was easier than she thought. He was nicer when she had really gotten to know him. Everything about him made her smile. But she hadn't forgotten about Sasuke._

"Yeah. What you told me about it, I think it's sweet," Temari smiled. Then she frowned. "Are you thinking about Sasuke at all?"

Nami frowned. "I did think of him at first, but I don't anymore. I love Gaara." Her frown deepened and her face looked like it had when she first came to Suna. "He left me years ago Temari. That's all I think off when I think about him. I _can't _think anything good about him. He was the one who tore my heart apart" - she smiled again - "and Gaara was the one who put it back together."

"Why did you think of him at first?"

"I remembered when he left me. It was after he told me he loved me - and everything that he loved about me. I had always been afraid of being rejected. And he gave me a reason to be afraid of rejection. When he left, I felt unwanted and unloved - and I felt I always would," Nami frowned again. Her forehead creased. "I don't want to talk or even think about Sasuke. I don't love - ugh! - him anymore. I love Gaara."

"Okay. I'm sorry I brought it up. But I just wanted to know if you still loved him."

"Well, I still love him, but not the same way as before. He was my first love. You never forget your first love." She held up her hands in front of her. "No. I don't _love _him. I remember the way I loved him."

"Oh. I understand what you're saying. Well, kind of." Temari smiled. "The wedding is going to be _awesome_!"

"Oh my," Nami sighed. "I'm getting _married. _I'm so happy!"

"Of course you are! Why don't you go relax? You shouldn't be stressed at all!" Temari ran out of the room. "Bye!"

"Bye!" Nami yelled back. She giggled and walked to her room - Gaara's room as well. She found a note on her pillow and at first she thought it was from Gaara, but it wasn't his handwriting. It read:

Nami,

I'm sorry. For everything. I hate myself for leaving you that night. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you as well. I do love you. More than anything in this world.

This may sound weird, but I heard of your engagement to Gaara. Please, please, please, I love you. I can't think of letting you give yourself to someone else. But I should have expected it. I did leave and tell you that you meant nothing to me. It was a lie! And I am terribly sorry! I love you. I really do. I'm willing to give everything up for you.

I want you in my life. I want you to choose me over him. I want to see you. I want to see you smile and laugh. Please. I'm sorry for what I did to you.

~Sasuke

The name surprised Nami. She didn't want to believe that Sasuke still loved her. She still loved Sasuke, though she told Temari she didn't. Well, she lied. Like she could tell Gaara's sister that she still loved her first love. Yeah, that would work out great. She tore the note up and threw it in the trash. Gaara walked in just as she sat on the bed.

"Hey!" she said perking up immediately. She jumped up and hugged him. He chuckled.

"Hey," he wrapped his arms around her waist. "How are you?"

"Perfect, now. How are you?" She kissed his cheek.

"Perfect," he sighed kissing her softly on the lips. He pulled away from the kiss and hugged her tightly.

"Love you," she whispered in his ear sending chills down his spine.

"I love you, too." He grabbed her hands and pulled her over to the bed. They sat down and she was on his lap. "Did Temari ambush you?"

"Yes, but I can't say her squealing was annoying because I was squealing too." She smiled and he answered that smile happily.

"Really?" he asked caressing her cheek.

"Of course! You're all I want." That part was really true. She might _love _Sasuke, but she didn't want him like she wanted Gaara. Her arms locked around his neck as she snuggled against his chest. She sighed, breathing in his scent. "I'm tired."

"Then sleep," he said getting up. She pulled him back.

"No, no, no," she smirked. "Get back here. I want to be with you right now."

He smirked as well. "Of course. I'm all for spending time with you," he sat back on the bed and pulled her into his arms. His chin rest on her shoulder as she rested against his chest. "Sleep, Nami. You're tired."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." He swiftly pulled the blanket over them. "You're tired. Sleep."

She woke in the morning in Gaara's arms. She sighed and turned to kiss him sweetly. He kissed her back and smiled when they pulled apart. "Good morning," he said.

"Morning," she sighed. She sat up from him. "Sorry if I kept you from getting ready."

He smiled. "I don't mind at all."

"Well, I'll let you get ready now," she pouted. He chuckled at her reaction.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. I'm fine with it." She smiled and hugged him before jumping out of the bed. She ran to her dresser and pulled out the days outfit. She ran towards the bathroom. "Love ya!"

She got ready for her day quickly, though they had two bathrooms and she didn't need to worry about making Gaara late. When she was done, Gaara was already gone. She sighed. It was fact that she would have to face Sasuke, so she went to the small desk in the bedroom. Pulling out a piece of paper and pen she thought of what she would write.

_Sasuke,_

_Though I may forgive you, I cannot choose you. I love Gaara and I am going to marry him. I need him and he needs me. What you did, hurt me more than anything else. But I know that if I left Gaara, I wouldn't be whole. You will always have a part of my heart, but Gaara has the rest. The love I feel for you isn't as strong as it was years ago. And though I've moved on, this is difficult for me. But please don't think of this too much. I can't let you do this to me. I am happy with Gaara and I love him so much._

_Sasuke, I can't even say I am sorry, because it was your choice. You left me first. So there is something I want to say to you. Goodbye. It isn't cruel like your departure was, but it hurts. Goodbye. Goodbye forever. Our time is up. We can no longer be together. We are not compatible. So now, it is mine and Gaara's time. We're happy and you should not try to end that. Goodbye, Sasuke. Please let me be happy with Gaara. If you really love me as much as you say you do, you would let me marry Gaara and be happy._

_Goodbye._

_Sincerely,_

_Nami_

"There was never any doubt," she said as she sealed the note away in an envelope.

"Nami," a voice whispered from behind her. She panicked because it wasn't the voice of her love. She turned around quickly.

"Sasuke!" she gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"You had to expect I was going to contact you," he replied. He was leaning against the wall opposite from her.

"Well, yes, but not in my _home_!" she stood up nervously.

"Your _home_?" he questioned.

"Of course!" she almost yelled. "We're getting _married_! I'm gonna live with him."

"Nami-"

"No, Sasuke! You left. You had your chance and you blew it. When you left, it hurt me worse than anything in this world. But even though _that _hurt, I know being without him would hurt more. I _love _him!"

"I love you, Nami," Sasuke mumbled.

"I know."

"Nami, what more could I say?"

"I wish you would stop saying you loved me. It makes it difficult for me," she groaned. She looked at his expression. He took it the wrong way. "Not because I still love you, because I don't! I just have to deal with this and I hate rejection. I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't reject," he suggested moving from the wall to stand by her.

"No," she said firmly. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"

"Nami," he whispered before pressing his lips to hers. She froze. Her brain stopped working and she forgot how to move - how to stop him. One arm was around her waist while the other stayed at his side. She couldn't push him away. She forgot how.

"Nami?" There shouldn't have been a voice saying her name. Sasuke was kissing her and she wouldn't say her own name in this situation. She couldn't move though. Sasuke pulled away from her and looked at their visitor. Gaara. His face was filled with hurt and betrayal. "Why?"

"No," she whispered. Sasuke's arm was still around her waist. Her brain started working again and she remembered how to move. She pushed him away angrily. "No! How _could _you?! I told you I didn't love you! I love Gaara! I love Gaara!"

"Then why didn't you push me away?" He smirked. She began to cry.

"I couldn't _think_!" she screeched. "I didn't want to believe that you were kissing me! I don't want you to tell me you love me! I want you to leave me alone! I want to marry Gaara! I want him to tell me he loves me! Not you!" She shook her head and looked at Gaara. He still had the look of hurt and betrayal. She knew it was over. Their relationship had been screwed up.

"Nami-" Sasuke tried, but she interrupted him.

"But that's not possible now. He'll never forgive me," she said. Gaara's expression didn't change. She took one step forward and he took one step back. "I'm sorry!"

"Why?" He shook his head.

"I didn't! I wouldn't! I love you!" she cried. He shook his head again.

"No," he whispered. Suddenly, it felt as if someone stabbed her heart. She stared at him desperately.

"I love _you_," she tried to make her voice hard, but the pain made her voice crack.

"No," he repeated. "Why didn't you push him away?"

"I don't know! My brain wasn't working! I'm so sorry!"

"What's wrong, Gaara?" Sasuke asked, still smirking. "Can't face the fact that she loves me too?" Gaara grimaced. Nami took another step forward and he took another step backwards.

"No, Gaara. I don't love him. I love you."

"Stop it!" he hissed. She stumbled back. "I don't want you to say that _ever _again!"

"W-what?"

"Don't _ever _say you love me!" His voice was low and harsh. Her heart broke, literally. The pain was unbearable. She wasn't able to hold him anymore. His hatred filled glare cut her deeper.

"G-Gaara, I didn't-"

"I don't care. Get out of my house." His arms folded across his chest. She nodded nimbly.

"Y-yes." She grabbed her bag and left the house right away. Once outside, she was numb. Her heart ached for his soft touch. But she wouldn't have that anymore. She had no where to go. She didn't want to be anywhere that Gaara wasn't. The way he said it, _Get out of my house. _His house. Not hers. _His._ It cut her deep. The letter she had written to Sasuke was in her pocket. She pulled it out and threw it in the nearest trash can. Then she remembered the ring. She looked at her hand and pulled the ring off. She ran back to the house and knocked on the door. When Gaara answered, he was glaring.

"What do you want?" he growled. She flinched.

"Here," she whispered holding the ring out. He took it and closed the door. The tears - many of them - rolled down her cheeks. She ran from the house as fast as she could not, knowing where she was going.

It had been a month since their break-up. She had been locked in a room, not leaving at all. Sasuke tried to talk to her, but she broke his arm. He wanted so bad to be with her. She wanted nothing to do with him. Gaara still hated her. When she did go out - only because she needed food - he glared. In the beginning, she told him she wouldn't be able to handle it if it ended badly. He said the same thing, but he was handling it better than her. She couldn't live without him.

It had been two months now, and Gaara had moved on. Her first love didn't last and neither did his. I guess what they say about first loves never lasting was true - for them at least. But Gaara was all she wanted. She loved him more than anybody she had ever met. He hated her. He wouldn't talk to her at all. He refused to look at her now.

The room she was in was dark since she didn't like to look outside anymore. He was gone forever. She was no longer allowed to hold him. But the room was suffocating her, so she ran outside and sat on her doorstep.

That's when she saw him. He was with someone else - someone who clung to his arm. Her heart stopped - or skipped a beat - as she looked at the couple. He looked up and she looked to the sandy ground immediately. The tears quickly clouded her eyes. It hurt to breathe and each time she inhaled, it caused her to cry more. It had to end. The pain; she couldn't bare it anymore. She stood up, careful when she looked up. But it didn't matter. He was already gone.

She ran as far as she could. Her favorite spot was the only spot in the village with a tree. She sat under the tree and pulled out a kunai. Forever she would feel pained if he _married _that girl. She wanted him. She loved him. But he didn't want her - and he didn't love her. That kunai would set her free from her pain. His words repeated in her head. _Don't _ever _say you love me! I don't care. Get out of my house. What do you want? Get out of my house. My house. I don't care. _He didn't care. He would never care again. She pressed the kunai to her forearm.

"I love you. I love you," she pressed the kunai harder against her skin. "God damn it! I LOVE YOU!" She dragged the kunai down her forearm.

"Nami!" someone screamed. She didn't get far down her arm. When the kunai was carefully pulled from her arm, only an inch had been cut in her arm. She looked up weakly to see an angry Gaara. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I want to stop hurting," she replied watching the blood leak from her self-inflicted wound. He grabbed her arm and dragged her into his house. He took her to the bathroom and took care of her wound. She shook her head. "Why do care anyway?"

He was quiet. "I'm the Kazekage," he finally replied. More tears escaped from her eyes. He only cared because he was the Kazekage. She pulled her arm back. "What?"

"I need to get out of your house," she spoke harshly.

"Gaara!" a voice called sweetly. "Where are you?" A young girl came to the bathroom door and smiled.

"Hi, Kiyo," Gaara said softly. Kiyo pranced to his side and kissed him softly. He smiled at her. It broke Nami in half.

"What happened to her arm?" Kiyo exclaimed. She was trying to help her arm immediately. Nami pulled her arm back. Kiyo looked confused.

"I need to get out of your house," she repeated. Kiyo put her hands on her hip when Nami tried to leave.

"At least let me take care of your arm. You don't want to get an infection."

"If it'll kill me, then yes I do. And even if I wanted to get my arm taken care of, I wouldn't let _you _take of it." Nami pushed passed the two. They both stood in the same spot frozen. "I'm getting out of your house."

She couldn't handle it. She didn't want to hurt anymore, but something wouldn't let her go. It wasn't Gaara himself. He didn't care. She took her kunai back out and ran to her house. Once she was locked her room, she once again pressed the kunai against her forearm. There was slamming on her front door.

"Nami!" a voice yelled. "Don't do it! Please! Don't kill yourself!"

She ignored the voice and stabbed her forearm quickly and dragged it down to her wrist. She threw the kunai across the room and let death claim her. It took longer than she would have liked, but she didn't mind because it _would _claim her. The voice was closer now and arms had pulled her into someone's chest. It may have been weird, but she could tell it was Gaara by the scent.

"I love you, Gaara," she whispered. Her strength was weak and death was claiming her now, but she used whatever energy she had to bring her non injured arm around his neck. She pulled slightly, but she didn't have enough energy. He knew what she wanted immediately. He pressed his lips against hers. She felt his tears hit her face.

He pulled away. "I love you too," he gasped. He laid there while his love slipped away from him forever. "I'm sorry." She was gone. Her face was peaceful, though. Right before she left the world, she knew that he cared. He sat in that room for hours and stared at his lost love. The only one he would ever really want. And the only one he would ever cry over - for tears streamed down his cheeks endlessly as he watched her still body.


End file.
